STORYTIME WITH FLASH 3

THE ORIGIN OF OUR HERO'S EXTRAORDINARY SHAPESHIFTING ABILITIES...

So that was how it went with Sergio the human engine reuniting with his long lost driver/speaker. The two had hit it off and become the fastest of friends so long ago, so long ago nobody alive can remember! Those two were pimps. No doubts about that, but what's next for our hero? Surely you jest. Duncan is amazing. He's a shapeshifter, ever since that time at the peppermint store. What, you weren't there? Shut the fuck up. I'm not even kidding: an entire world of wonder awaits.

WHAT'S A SHAPESHIFTER? or WHO IS OUR HERO?
...by said hero...

Yeah, whatever, sure, I was known as a collector of turtles. Everyone always says, "but you're so fast and turtles are so slow, you amazing man," but then I always say, "relax. they are faster than you might think."
As far as turtles, I'm not in it for the pussy. I'm in it for the system.

Yeah you heard me.

What's that shaman? By shaman i mean turtle. My main fuckin' man. He's cold blooded, just like that icy Pots. Don't worry though. Shaman is no joke. He's been my guide through my recent exploration of shapeshifting. He's *MY* hero.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A PEPPERMENT STORE
by someone who worked there

I'm not talking about mints. You better sit down now, because I've had just about enough. I am well good with the mints and I care about people. Don't talk to me about mints, you're out of your league. I'll tell you all about them, I worked at the Funtime Pepper Suprise. Surprise was they had no peppers, just the mints. Everyone woke up. They saw a new future and we all dove in. All day, every day, the whole city was packed full of minters. Yeah, so what, I took the money. They couldn't make any more mints. Closed up shop. I used the money for the mega mint, oooooh yeah. Shapeshiftin' Orange, I took some lovely girls out to a dance and then we sucked the whole shebang. After that, I was so bad, I died, right outside the rollerderby. Good thing that Shapeshiftin' Orange gave me the power to jump inside that fat asshole and kill his soul. One day I'll become a beautiful woman, and we'll all get together and have a good cry.

WHERE DUNCAN INHABITS MR. POTS.

We last saw our hero when he shot himself out of frustration over the dates and the cell phone. It had been a long night, and the soul theivery was just too much a burden for him to bear. Well since Mr. Pots was the only living inhabitant at the scene, Duncan had no choice but to leap inside his rival and delete his existence. Every memory was erased, every opinion tossed into negative space for all time. Mr. Pot's cold blooded body was now completely under the control of Duncan. Well, not completely: all of Mr. Pots various nervous ticks and involuntary physical habits continued, the body still programmed by its previous inhabitant. Which is exactly why we find our hero in his new self blinking furiously and biting his lip.

"Wow! That was a lot of pain." And then, "Oh my poor dead ladies."

Duncan popped the trunk and let his dates out. They looked like all ghosts, which is to say they looked so sad that any well-connected, properly reared individual couldn't help but cry.

"Oh you poor things," said Duncan as he opened his arms to the awful sight.
"He told us we would be sold to weapons manufacturers!" said Mandy. "Oh, and there is nothing to do. Wherever I am is where I am."
"Your lives may never be the same, no, but a new life awaits. A life forever! I'm not even joking." Our hero, always so encouraging. A true friend to the end. But the spirits still had more questions.
"Can we still go out and have wonderful times together?" asked Katiedid.
"Times so wonderful, you can't even imagine! Fucking yeah." He would have embraced them, if he could. "Come, ladies, the night is young, and i promised my dates a good time. HA HA!!"